Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Alas, deſpite my ſeverall dozen Offers to Her Majeſty's Government, to lead a modeſt Miniſtry or a regimental Battalion of Gun-boats in putting downe the continuing Celtick Inſurrection, the dread Serpent of Treaſon is ſtill ſuffered to perſiſt in the horrid Hiſsing of its ſubverſive Whiſpers while burying its crimſoned Beak in the Pancreas of our Patriotiſm and tramping our Bleſsed Union beneath the Heels of its Helliſh Hooves. When within the Space of a Day no leſs than ſeventeen of my moſt paſsionate and patriotick Miſsives had received only the quieteſt poſsible Anſwer, I was minded to ſubject the Meſsenger-boys to dutiful Chaſtiſement; but ſo afeared were the idle Tykes by the ſudden Apparition of my capacious and manly Guſset, that I could ſcarce baniſh them from my Preſence before all fled the Potency of my Wrath. Still it remains my true and pious Hope, that I may play my merited Role in enſuring that the depraved Fiend of rampant Welſhneſs may ſhortly be vanquiſhed. For it is as clear as the unbleared and all-diſcerning Eye of our noble Prime Miniſter, that the precious Union of our Kingdom muſt never be ſacrificed upon the barbarous Pagan Altar of Brythonick Unbritiſhneſs, while there remaineth in any Engliſh Veins a ſingle Drop of that Blood of the Plantangenets, which did ſo much in former Times to harry the beaſtlie Norman French from our ſacred Anglican-Saxon Shores.