Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

The Woo Han Peſtilence having followed its cunning heathen Nature, and mounted new Attacks at the very Moment when our noble and far-ſighted Government hath removed all Precautions againſt Infection, I am reſolved heretofore to be more conſcientious in my Duties at helping to keep the new Culling of the Herd within the Bounds of reaſonable Propriety. Therefore the Bloater and Blueſtocking Coffee-houſe, which I have lately frequented onlie once or twice every Day between Meales, ſhall henceforth be my Dining-place for Breakfaſt, Second-breakfaſt, Elevenſes, Luncheon, Dinner, High-tea, Supper and ſundry Snacks and ſo forth. For I have oft heard it ſayed between Courſes, by my Lord Lylack-Bybwyne and many others of a ſimilar Complexion, that the Patroniſing of Eating-places by the better Claſses will be the ſaving of the Realm, as no mere migrant Peſtilence could ever dare ſneak up on an Engliſhman at Meat. And I cannot but confeſs the Fact, that the Spectacle of my Lord Lylack-Bybwyne at his Breakfaſt Trough of ſix dozen Oyſters and whole roaſted Heifer ſtuffed with forced Truffles and garniſhed with Tripe, to the refined and formal Senſibilities of an Oriental would likely appear a moſt intimidating Slaughter. Yet ſomehow the Woo Han Peſtilence hath cunningly and treacherouſly eluded ſuch gallant and heroick Protectors of the Realm in order to reſume its horrid Depredations. Therefore upon Concluſion of the Repaſt and of the invigorating Bouts of Unconſciouſneſs and intermittent Belching which followed, I wrote to adviſe the Prime Miniſter, that all Surgeons and their Nurſes and Apothecaries ſhould be denied Applauſe pending a full and complete Inquiry by a Royal Commiſsion into the Extent of their indubitable and moſt traytorous Negligence.