Gassing for Britain

Patriotic Britons will be proud to know that our great nation not only continues to attain world-beating environmental standards, but that it is attaining them in a gloriously independent direction compared to that required by mere international treaties. Under the rigorous regulatory régime which the beastly Euro-wogs were all set to emasculate with their Nazi-style punishment beatings and Stalinist bureaucracy, British oil producers are still allowed to run rigs on fossil fuels rather than sustainables. They waste enough gas each year to heat a million homes and put the UK in breach of its legally binding commitments to reduce emissions, so it is rather fortunate that Her Majesty's Goverment cares no more about domestic heating than about the global variety. As a result of this buccaneering entrepreneurialism, the UK's North Sea oil rigs emitted more carbon dioxide last year than the Norwegian and Danish regions combined, which will undoubtedly make those soppy Vikings think twice before raiding Westminster this year and carrying off the attorney general.