The Liberty Belfry

In yet another sign that electoral norms are undergoing radical change, a US presidential candidate has cancelled a rally despite being potentially rabid. The candidate for the Libertarian Party, which believes that modern America is insufficiently controlled by private corporations, was bitten by a bat while out campaigning, and has been so traumatised by the event that she now believes hydrophobia to be a disadvantage even at rallies in the Deep South. This belief has been most recently discredited by the electoral success of the hydrophobic head-tribble whose diarrhoeic defecations form the landslide majority of the Trumpster's mental activity; but fortunately the Libertarian Party has not defied present political trends so far as to be affected by mere reality. The physical condition and psychological state of the bat remain as yet unknown, and are presumably a matter of some concern to animal welfare workers.