Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

No ſooner have the Cheeks of our ſtout Yeomen regained their accuſtomed healthfull Mottling of red, white and blue, than certain Scotch Clans ſubverſively reawaken the Wrath of the Peſtilence with their perſiſtent Hooting and Skirling, while our economick Rivals bend the national Ear with querulous Demands that we ſhould ſhare the Secret of any ſucceſsful Treatment, in utter Defiance of all natural Juſtice and Laws of Competition. It is of courſe a regrettable Fact of human Nature, that thoſe Perſons who have attained the greateſt moral and cultural Superiority, are the very Perſons againſt whom is directed the hoſtile Paſsion and deſtructive Naſtineſs of the undiſtinguiſhed Rabble. If any one ſhould doubt the univerſal Verity of this indubitable Truth, he need only obſerve the Opprobrium and Billingſgrate hurled by every embittered Sawbones and ſlatternly Nurſe at the luminous and upright Figure of that great Stateſman, our noble Prime Miniſter. In ſimilar Faſhion, the more the leſser Breeds witness the World-beating Achievements of our ſacred Realm, the leſs are they inclined to accord us the ſporting Chances merited by the ſuperlative Britiſhneſs with which the Divine Plan hath endowed us. Accordingly, while awaiting the Announcement of my Appointment to the Houſe of Lords I ſpent much of yeſterday and today writing to the Prime Miniſter with the urgent Suggeſtion that we ſhould utterly cauteriſe the Plague with an immediate Naval Bombardment of Woo Han and the Scotch, and offering to go one-Eighth Shares in the Firſt Lordſhip of the Admiralty with any other willing and reaſonable Buyers.