The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, June 08, 2020

Journal of the Plague Year

continued, by a Gentleman

Alas, deſpite the Retreat of the Peſtilence before the Might of our Britiſhneſs it appeareth our Tribulations are far from done, for the ſubſequent Epidemick of Mutiny among the Rabble may yet precipitate our great and law-abiding eternal Nation into an everlaſting Slough of irremediable Diſorder. I hear from Briſtol that a moſt reſpected local Philanthropiſt hath been ſeized by a rampaging Mob and hurled into that heaving Boſom of the Ocean which is the Briſtol Channel. Given the ſhort Diſtance between Briſtol and London, and the Rapidity of modern Tranſport, I have ordered the Shutters cloſed and all the Doors locked and barred by Day and Night alike, except in case of bodily Emergency or mild Inconvenience to my Self. I have alſo communicated to the Prime Miniſter my immediate Need of an armoured Detachment to keep my Perſon from Peril, beſides reminding him of my enduring humble Willingneſs to ſerve as Commander of any Troops he may diſpatch in the Queen's Name, for the Purpoſe of reſtoring to the Blighted City the iron Hand of true and lawful Liberty. However, his great Stateſmanlike Wiſdom hath decreed thus far that no Action ſhould be taken beyond reminding the ſubverſive Rabble and its Ring-leaders that, but for the Charity of wealthy and diſcreet Men of Buſineſs and the dynamick import and export of Sugar and Negroes, their Towne would be entirely without its Bank, its Pillory, its Aſylum for the Reforming of Unfortunate Females and its Priſon for Debtors. Yet deſpite its reaſoned Elegance and Chriſtian Compaſsion I doubt me this Argument will prevail upon a raſh and ungrateful Generation, which hath thrown away near every Veſtige of the buccaneering Spirit of its Forefathers. Inſtead of following their free individual Inſtincts, they idly await the Government's Action in lightening its Precautions againſt the Peſtilence, whereupon they foregather into mindleſs Crowds which regard the Law of the Land as if it were no more than a Treaty with ſome beaſtlie Foreigners.

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