Journal of the Plague Year
continued, by a Gentleman
I fear that our noble Prime Miniſter continues moſt imprudent in the chooſing of his Adviſers, and thereby ſuffers his greateſt Strokes of Stateſmanſhip to remain ſubject to moſt ruinous Interference. To-day's Decree of Permiſsion for the Opening of ineſsential Shoppes is one ſuch regrettable Caſe, though in the effortleſs Sublimity of its Intention and the effulgent Limpidity of its Phraſing, there ſurely are the Marks of our great Leader's buſy Hand, as robuſt and ſubtly coloured as the Daubs of alcoholick Regurgitation upon the Petticoats of his Whore. And beſides the long anticipated Acknowledgement that the Peſtilence must yield to Market Forces, moſt welcome is the Poſsibility that the Rule of diſtancing may ſoon be relaxed, as this will enable the Servants who perform my more gluteal houſehold Services to reſume the regular Uſage of the ſhorter handled Paddles. Mr Wyde-Wyndpype who is by way of becoming quite the Natural Philoſopher, hath told me, that longer Inſtruments muſt produce a more ſalutary Effect thanks to the Gain in Leverage, but my Eton Sculls are too cumberſome even for the burlieſt Houſe-ſervants, and I fear the Gardeners might lack the neceſsary Delicacy of Touch. Surely the Abſtractions of mere ſcientifick Theory muſt ever pale and tremble when up againſt the ſolid Practicality of a Pair of manly Buttocks.
None the leſs, putting behind us for one Moment the healthy Purſuits of refined and educated Britiſh Manhood, the Awe-inſspiring Nobility of to-day's Decree is horribly marred by the ungodly Impiouſneſs of its Language and the hideous Blaſphemy of its Implications. For what is this vile and perverſe Conception of an ineſsential Shoppe ſave a crude and ſcarcely veiled Attack upon the Liberty of the Market-place, which teacheth onlie the Flexibilty of the Work-force alone? To proclaim the Doctrine of an ineſsential Shoppe is to propagate the monſtrous Poſsibility that an Eſtabliſhment may ſomehow poſseſs a leſser Importance in the Sight of God than the Perſonnel who ſerve therein, and from this Argument, as we know, proceedeth our whole Trouble with anarchiſtick Peaſants and uppity Negroes. I have written ſome Dozens of Times to-day to inform the Prime Miniſter upon this Point, in Connection with my ſeverall Offers to ſerve as Home Secretary.
I fear that our noble Prime Miniſter continues moſt imprudent in the chooſing of his Adviſers, and thereby ſuffers his greateſt Strokes of Stateſmanſhip to remain ſubject to moſt ruinous Interference. To-day's Decree of Permiſsion for the Opening of ineſsential Shoppes is one ſuch regrettable Caſe, though in the effortleſs Sublimity of its Intention and the effulgent Limpidity of its Phraſing, there ſurely are the Marks of our great Leader's buſy Hand, as robuſt and ſubtly coloured as the Daubs of alcoholick Regurgitation upon the Petticoats of his Whore. And beſides the long anticipated Acknowledgement that the Peſtilence must yield to Market Forces, moſt welcome is the Poſsibility that the Rule of diſtancing may ſoon be relaxed, as this will enable the Servants who perform my more gluteal houſehold Services to reſume the regular Uſage of the ſhorter handled Paddles. Mr Wyde-Wyndpype who is by way of becoming quite the Natural Philoſopher, hath told me, that longer Inſtruments muſt produce a more ſalutary Effect thanks to the Gain in Leverage, but my Eton Sculls are too cumberſome even for the burlieſt Houſe-ſervants, and I fear the Gardeners might lack the neceſsary Delicacy of Touch. Surely the Abſtractions of mere ſcientifick Theory muſt ever pale and tremble when up againſt the ſolid Practicality of a Pair of manly Buttocks.
None the leſs, putting behind us for one Moment the healthy Purſuits of refined and educated Britiſh Manhood, the Awe-inſspiring Nobility of to-day's Decree is horribly marred by the ungodly Impiouſneſs of its Language and the hideous Blaſphemy of its Implications. For what is this vile and perverſe Conception of an ineſsential Shoppe ſave a crude and ſcarcely veiled Attack upon the Liberty of the Market-place, which teacheth onlie the Flexibilty of the Work-force alone? To proclaim the Doctrine of an ineſsential Shoppe is to propagate the monſtrous Poſsibility that an Eſtabliſhment may ſomehow poſseſs a leſser Importance in the Sight of God than the Perſonnel who ſerve therein, and from this Argument, as we know, proceedeth our whole Trouble with anarchiſtick Peaſants and uppity Negroes. I have written ſome Dozens of Times to-day to inform the Prime Miniſter upon this Point, in Connection with my ſeverall Offers to ſerve as Home Secretary.
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