Journal of the Plague Year
continued, by a Gentleman
With the Forces of foreign Malignity and domeſtic Diſcord arrayed and poiſed to overthrow our great Kingdom at the very Height of its tranſcendent Magnificence and undiſputed Seat of Maſtery atop the global Market for ſpreadable Cow-paſte, every patriotick Engliſhman muſt give Thanks to the divine Providence for its infinite and ineffable Mercy in providing our Ship of State with a Captain whoſe great perſonal Beauty, Clealineſs of Mind and wog-baiting Brilliance of Wit are matched only by the dazzling Acumen of his Stateſmanſhip.
No later than this Week, the aforeſaid Leader hath been requeſted, by ſome low legaliſtic Species of Fellow, to relieve thoſe Foreigners, who maſquerade as Surgeons and Nurſes, of their Duty of Payment ſhould they be ſo lacking in Alertneſs as to fall ſick themſelves. Our Leader having urbanely refuſed this Indulgence towards the ſub-human Beaſts who pollute the Purity of our Britiſhneſs and devaſtate our national Economy with their alien Modes of Speech, not five hours later reverſed his Poſition, with a Cunning matched by Nobility of Mien and Firmneſs of Purpoſe rarely ſeen ſince the days of Caligula.
Now although the Pamphlets of the Malcontents are filled with the carping Cavils of peſsimiſtic Pontification, it is plain to the objective Apprehenſion that a great Victory hath been achieved, compriſing all at a ſingle fell Swoop the ſudden Diſcombobulation of the Parliamentary Oppoſition and the moſt ſatisfactorily ſanguinary Rout of the Beaſtlie Migrants. For it is very well known, that allowing the lower Claſses to retain any Exceſs of Monies muſt inevitably reſult in a veritable Plague of Vagabondage, Drunkenneſs, Fornication and all the other hideous Sins that are bred in the Idleneſs of the Ineſsential. This being ſo, the Removal of their fiſcal Duty from the beaſtlie Migrants can reſult only in a moſt apocalyptical Outbreak of Malingering, by which the inſidious Invaders ſhall blatantly betray their unnatural and diſruptive Preſence, and ſhall indubitably be dealt with in appropriate Britiſh Faſhion by the circumjacent hard-working Families.
It is a very Privilege to obſerve ſuch a Feat of Leaderſhip, the like of which is ſurely not to be ſeen more than once in a Generation, and inclines me the more to excuſe the continuing Dilatorineſs of our noble Prime Miniſter in anſwering my daily Petitions for due Advancement in his Service.
With the Forces of foreign Malignity and domeſtic Diſcord arrayed and poiſed to overthrow our great Kingdom at the very Height of its tranſcendent Magnificence and undiſputed Seat of Maſtery atop the global Market for ſpreadable Cow-paſte, every patriotick Engliſhman muſt give Thanks to the divine Providence for its infinite and ineffable Mercy in providing our Ship of State with a Captain whoſe great perſonal Beauty, Clealineſs of Mind and wog-baiting Brilliance of Wit are matched only by the dazzling Acumen of his Stateſmanſhip.
No later than this Week, the aforeſaid Leader hath been requeſted, by ſome low legaliſtic Species of Fellow, to relieve thoſe Foreigners, who maſquerade as Surgeons and Nurſes, of their Duty of Payment ſhould they be ſo lacking in Alertneſs as to fall ſick themſelves. Our Leader having urbanely refuſed this Indulgence towards the ſub-human Beaſts who pollute the Purity of our Britiſhneſs and devaſtate our national Economy with their alien Modes of Speech, not five hours later reverſed his Poſition, with a Cunning matched by Nobility of Mien and Firmneſs of Purpoſe rarely ſeen ſince the days of Caligula.
Now although the Pamphlets of the Malcontents are filled with the carping Cavils of peſsimiſtic Pontification, it is plain to the objective Apprehenſion that a great Victory hath been achieved, compriſing all at a ſingle fell Swoop the ſudden Diſcombobulation of the Parliamentary Oppoſition and the moſt ſatisfactorily ſanguinary Rout of the Beaſtlie Migrants. For it is very well known, that allowing the lower Claſses to retain any Exceſs of Monies muſt inevitably reſult in a veritable Plague of Vagabondage, Drunkenneſs, Fornication and all the other hideous Sins that are bred in the Idleneſs of the Ineſsential. This being ſo, the Removal of their fiſcal Duty from the beaſtlie Migrants can reſult only in a moſt apocalyptical Outbreak of Malingering, by which the inſidious Invaders ſhall blatantly betray their unnatural and diſruptive Preſence, and ſhall indubitably be dealt with in appropriate Britiſh Faſhion by the circumjacent hard-working Families.
It is a very Privilege to obſerve ſuch a Feat of Leaderſhip, the like of which is ſurely not to be ſeen more than once in a Generation, and inclines me the more to excuſe the continuing Dilatorineſs of our noble Prime Miniſter in anſwering my daily Petitions for due Advancement in his Service.
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