In God We Trumpet

Presumably in response to some subtle theological prompting by his hydrophobic head-tribble, the Trumpster has proclaimed that sites of religious ritual are essential services to rank with schools, child-care programmes, transport and Macdonald's. Certain state governors and, regrettably, many congregations have demonstrated a deplorable lack of faith by abstaining from collective grovelling for the duration of the pandemic; perhaps because some agent of Satan led them to believe that the virus was sent not by God but by the Heathen Chinee. The Trumpster, whose popularity among evangelical Christians is much as one would expect for a garish bully whose promises don't come true, has decreed that "in America we need more prayer, not less;" thereby implying an inferior status for non-public prayer and casually overruling (besides the minor obstacle that is the Constitution of the United States) the Saviour's explicit orders that prayer should be quiet and private. Doubtless the Father will adjust the pandemic accordingly.