Journal of the Plague Year
continued, by a Gentleman
There are certain Rumours abroad, that the heathen Province or Diſtrict or City or Hamlet or Perſonage of Woo Han in China hath begun to demonſtrate inſidiouſly enigmatick Signs of Recovery from the Peſtilence. Aſsuming the Truth of these Tidings (and I have them from the moſt aſsertive Pamphleteers and reputable Opium-ſellers in Towne), we witneſs once again the Fatal Combination of Byzantiniſm and Booriſhneſs, with which the Oriental hath ever been habituated to proceed in his Dealings with Civiliſation. For all their Bowings, Cow-towings, the ſubmiſsive Smile behind the tortuously-trained Antennae of the villainous Mouſtache and ſuchlike ſpecious Courteſies, the Heathen will never fail to watch for the Chink in the Armour of more advanced and ſtraight-forward Cultures, through which at the opportune Moment a Venomous Stab may be delivered. It was juſt the ſame when they invented Gun-powder and Bureaucrats before we got the Chance. Now they are forcing their Peaſantry back to Rude Health before the World has had any Opportunity of righting the economick Balance, and in two ſhakes of a Parliamentarian's Pizzle they will be ſubjecting our Drug Shipments to Blockade and ſtockpiling Scimitars in every Laundry in the Kingdom. I wonder whether this would be a good Opportunity for me to make my Offer for a Poſition in the Diplomatick Service.
There are certain Rumours abroad, that the heathen Province or Diſtrict or City or Hamlet or Perſonage of Woo Han in China hath begun to demonſtrate inſidiouſly enigmatick Signs of Recovery from the Peſtilence. Aſsuming the Truth of these Tidings (and I have them from the moſt aſsertive Pamphleteers and reputable Opium-ſellers in Towne), we witneſs once again the Fatal Combination of Byzantiniſm and Booriſhneſs, with which the Oriental hath ever been habituated to proceed in his Dealings with Civiliſation. For all their Bowings, Cow-towings, the ſubmiſsive Smile behind the tortuously-trained Antennae of the villainous Mouſtache and ſuchlike ſpecious Courteſies, the Heathen will never fail to watch for the Chink in the Armour of more advanced and ſtraight-forward Cultures, through which at the opportune Moment a Venomous Stab may be delivered. It was juſt the ſame when they invented Gun-powder and Bureaucrats before we got the Chance. Now they are forcing their Peaſantry back to Rude Health before the World has had any Opportunity of righting the economick Balance, and in two ſhakes of a Parliamentarian's Pizzle they will be ſubjecting our Drug Shipments to Blockade and ſtockpiling Scimitars in every Laundry in the Kingdom. I wonder whether this would be a good Opportunity for me to make my Offer for a Poſition in the Diplomatick Service.
2 Comments:
At 9:50 am ,
Dave. said...
Morning Philip,
I've noticed you don't get many comments these days, I've not sent one for ages either, so here's notice that you are still being read and enjoyed and hopefully by way more folks than just me. Thank you for continuing with The Curmudgeon and guaranteeing us at least one daily chuckle. It's usually the final sentence that does it and today is no exception; love it.
Dave.
At 6:55 pm ,
Philip said...
As a matter of fact, in the past few weeks I've had quite a lot of comments, but almost all of them were spam. So your kind words are all the more gratefully received for being unaccompanied by dietary advice and offers of erectile enhancement.
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