Henry VIII, MD

Astoundingly enough, after a decade of Conservative government and four decades of Conservative policy, the National Health Service has still somehow managed to avoid being in tip-top shape. With the Brexit dividend mere months from delivery, the People's Haystack is naturally seeking emergency powers to ensure that the famous three hundred and fifty million a week are not spaffed up any hospital walls, especially in the four hundred or so staffless ones he's going to build with his own hands. New legislation will enable the Government to remove the operational independence of NHS England, whose chief executive has recently formulated some dangerous ideas about introducing "an integrated care system across England, with the ability to plan collectively." After the roaring successes of John Major's internal market, Gordon Brown's PFI boondoggle and the coalition's Turkey Twizzler-sponsored Health and Social Care Act, nothing could be more disastrous than to try turning the NHS into some sort of national health service.