The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, February 24, 2020

Divisive Darkie Dressing Deepens Defiance

Fury at politically correct plaster horror

Mainstream Britain erupted in patriotic indignation today at Tesco's introduction of sticking plasters to match immigrant skin tones.

The plasters, which go on sale in all Tesco stores and online today, have been criticised as adhering to political correctness when other priorities need covering.

"It's disgraceful that supermarket bosses are pandering to minorities when there is flooding in the streets and a crisis in our NHS," said professional BBC Question Time audience member Letitia Noblett.

"This is just another corporate gamble to rip out hairs from the skin of ordinary people's lives and give them to people who can't even speak the language and it deserves to crash and burn in rivers of blood."

A spokesbeing for the Department of Business and Wog Control said that supermarkets were free to stock whatever they wished provided it was the right thing to do.

Asked about the crisis today, the Prime Minister's personal assistant, Boris Johnson, said that having a thicker skin than white people was nothing to be ashamed of and "in a less tolerant country might even be considered an unfair advantage."

The supermarket élite claims that the plasters will help coloured people feel less self-conscious about their handicap. It remains as yet unclear whether the plasters will be available in a gammon shade.

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