Britannia is Not a Dyke

Fiendish foreign oceanographers have attempted to hijack climate change, diverting it from legitimate use as an advertising tool for fossil fuel corporations and perverting it into an excuse to belittle the British Isles into a mere bulwark against wet feet. They propose building two massive dams, one stretching from Scotland to Norway and the other from western France to the mainland, in order to enclose the North Sea and protect a few million inconsequential persons from rising water levels. Blithely estimating the cost of such a project at barely one-tenth of one per cent of the combined GDP of the countries that would benefit, they entirely ignore the calamitous potential for losing up to £500,000 million which might otherwise be spent on tax cuts for the deserving. It is fortunate for Britain's paragons of wealth creation that Her Majesty's Government has no interest in co-operating with Euro-wogs, and still less in protecting people from climate change; otherwise less pragmatically buccaneering breeds might be tempted to consider the situation an emergency.