Cow and Chicken and the Big Orange Guy

Britain's beef-eaters will be safe from hormonally-inflated American imports, and connoisseurs of poultry will not be required to consume chickens whose cleaning extends no further than a quick dunk in a swimming-pool, according to the Environment Secretary. Although Theresa Villiers has had precious little to say about the climate crisis, the flooding crisis or the continuing illegal levels of urban air pollution, she was happy to surprise the BBC's Countryfile audience by re-stating the provisions of the Brexit withdrawal process. These provisions have, after all, only been discussed for the past three and a half years, so it is quite understandable that the great British public hasn't quite fathomed the complexities yet. EU rules will remain in place when Britain formally withdraws at the end of the month; there will follow a transition period during which the Government will flap around without the inconvenience of parliamentary scrutiny, and in December the People's Haystack will order the Parliamentary Brexit Party to vote through whatever the EU has seen fit to bestow upon him, or else he will take it upon himself to crash the country out with no deal at all and thereby formally take the British economy into the Third World. The EU's food hygiene and animal welfare standards will undoubtedly join the National Health Service in Bozza's bargain basement, if during the flapping-around stage a tiny tangerine paw should happen to be waved in a fashion hinting that such is the will of the Trumpster as determined by his hydrophobic head-tribble.