Spicy Pork Special

Among the less explored paradoxes of taking back control is the Government's eagerness to sell off British assets to beastly foreigners; and in many cases not even to fellow buccaneering entrepreneurs, but to state-owned monoliths among the perfidious French and the Heathen Chinee. One possible explanation for the latter's favoured status has emerged with the news that Heathen Chinee scientists have been breeding suitable love partners for Conservative members. It is true that the monkey-pig hybrids died within a week of becoming sexually available; but dead sex-objects don't whine to be fed, clothed and housed in return for their labour, or go tale-tattling to the scandal sheets when a chap decides to spaff his wild oats up a different mucous membrane. Typically for state-owned human resources, and true to their sinister, inscrutable Heathen Chinee ways, the scientists themselves claim to have bred the hybrids in the interests of mere public health, since so few dead people are inclined to donate their organs for transplant unless there is something in it for them.