The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Noise and Hot Air

Newly-released official documents reveal that there were times when the post-Thatcher interregnum was roused from his dreams of cricket at the vicarage to toy with the idea of renaming Heathrow Airport. Having read Captain Corelli's Mandolin, a Mayfair businessman decided that the airport's name was "stupid," being merely the name of the place where the airport was built. He dashed off a missive ordering the interregnum to get busy and rename it after Britain's most successful auto-hagiographer in order to give the proles a bit of moral fibre, and because Winston Churchill has hardly ever been commemorated anywhere at all; fortunately, the provisions of the Official Secrets Act continue to shield the public from knowledge of whether this epistle was written on lavatory paper or in green ink. The interregnum seems to have thought it a jolly good idea, presumably because there was comfort in the the business community's wish to commemorate a chancellor nearly as incompetent as himself. It all came to nothing in the end, possibly because there is already a Churchill airport in Manitoba, and Her Majesty's Government felt that the proles would be disoriented. Doubtless our American colonies can count themselves fortunate that nobody in the business community saw fit to inform the interregnum about the Kingston in Jamaica, the Boston in Massachusetts or the London in Ontario.

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