The Father of Teeth

Text for today: I Bicuspid xciv-cxvii

Nevertheless, the Father of Teeth acquired all sorts of groupies who continually proclaimed their love for him and all his dentures and demanded that he minister to their substance. Some of them wanted to take him in hand and make him dress more fashionably; these usually fled when they saw the state of his underclothes. Others wanted to mother him; these were generally cured when he started biting their ankles. Still others wanted only to learn at his feet, but the emanations exuded by the feet of the Father of Teeth were not exactly conducive to a pedagogic atmosphere.

A few of the most troublesome developed emotional fixations and spoke much of love, a biochemical twitch invented by the Creator of the universe to beguile them from the fact that their only real concern was obeying the prompting of their hormones in order to perpetuate the existence of certain molecules.

"I wish to share your burden," said one.
"You'll need a hell of a gum transplant," said the Father of Teeth, flaunting his tar-glistening gingival vista.
"I wish to live with you for ever," said another.
"You haven't got for ever," pointed out the Father of Teeth.
"I wish to bear your child," said a third.
"Then what you're feeling isn't love," said the Father of Teeth. "It's eugenics."