The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, October 25, 2019

Migrants Infest Britain's Entire Food Chain, Boffins Confirm

Fury at new immigrant horror

Ministers are often criticised for not listening, but scientists have discovered that using the proper language can make all the difference.

Experts have been trying for years to alert the Government to the ecological threat from non-native species, while the Government has responded by withholding funds and missing legal targets.

However, politicians immediately showed concern when scientists switched from the language of science to the language of immigrant-bashing.

MPs are now calling for the lynch mob tactics Britain has utilised against human cockroaches to be applied to other species of pest which threaten the national environment.

Scientists said they were "astounded" at the tactic's effectiveness. "We've been telling these people for ever about the ecological effects of invasive non-native species," said bio-security expert Dr Xanthe Rhizome.

"We've talked about the rapid decline of indigenous species of edible crustacean owing to the transmission of pathogens from Pacifastacus leniusculus and their eyes have just glazed over.

"But the moment we said 'wog seafood' they wanted to know what diseases were being spread and how soon a citizen army could be organised to burn down restaurants.

"It was like a light-bulb came on above their heads," Rhizome said. "Not necessarily an LED bulb, but you can't have everything."

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