We Welcome Scientists Who Know Their Place

Britain is to remove immigration restrictions on scientists who are either based at respectable institutions or who have won prizes. The Imperial Haystack dropped a few names and ordered today's brainy chaps to be proud of following in their footsteps, although at least one foreigner with a funny name has already raised quibbles about whether the promised ivory towers will be able to withstand next winter's likely food riots. At least one post-doctoral researcher has already left the country because the Ministry for Wog Control treated her two-year-old like something under the Dubs Amendment; but such isolated and unfortunate incidents are of course forced upon us by Euro-wog red tape. It is certainly encouraging that the science industry can now spread its wings to the full and enter into its natural Britishness; not least because we will need all the top boffins we can get in order to implement our visionary future technologies for securing the Irish border.