Provincials Must Simply Dry Up

As Britain continues to bask in the latest glorious symptoms of the continuing climate-driven catastrophe, northern proles continue to use water as if there were no tomorrow. A report by the Institute for Public Policy Research indicates that demand could exceed supply in a decade and a half "unless households and businesses reduce their water use," because the only other way to do it would be for the water companies to repair their pipes now and then. Besides wiping out a quarter-century of moisture profiteering tradition and re-instituting the Stalinist era of anti-business repression so magnificently terminated through the Osbornomic miracle, such a course of action might well require a reduction in shareholder dividends and bungs for the boardroom, and would therefore run counter to the prevailing religious orthodoxy. Fortunately the problem affects only northerners, who thanks to the shale-frackers' antics will very likely be using less water anyway.