With Play This Fair, Who Needs a Scorecard?

Since the compliant Sajid Javid is doubtless busy updating his CV with his multifarious achievements as Tumbledown Tessie's token darkie, the Ministry for Wog Control disgorged the reliably repellent Caroline Nokes to shrug off questions about the Government's practice of rounding up slavery victims and throwing them in the clink. As usual, the first fib in the repertoire was that no records were kept, which on the face of it was plausible enough: the Conservative Party does not care about victims of trafficking, and it probably regards modern slavery as something to be encouraged as a sensible and natural evolution of the gig economy. However, it then turned out that in fact records were kept (and cited in Parliament by one Caroline Nokes), whereupon the brilliant Nokes cunningly outflanked her interrogators by denying that the records were accurate. When it was suggested that a central, accurate record might work to the advantage of all concerned, the fragrant Nokes responded that the process, like one or two other matters of Government business, was not as simple as it sounded, especially now that some people have started asking questions later when the Home Office deports first. The former New Labour skinflint Vernon Coaker, who can scarcely have been keeping up with politics these past few years, expressed "genuine shock" that the Government treats victims of trafficking as immigration offenders; to which the fragrant Nokes replied that a modern slave doth not a legal immigrant make, and that, as with one or two other matters of Government business, we must not simply assume that Britain can cope.