Those Best Qualified

Against all common sense and natural reason, and on the basis of little more than evidence, mere experts have alleged that corporations which profit from selling unhealthy food may not be entirely reliable when requested, however politely, to make food healthier. In 2011, at the delirious beginnings of the Osbornomic miracle, the Bullingdon Club and its little yellow fags decided that the people best qualified to monitor the quality of food and drinks manufacturing were the food and drinks manufacturers themselves. Andrew Lansley, the Minister for Marketable Healthcare whose charity towards the prole-fatteners extended to the belief that they should have a say in running the NHS, freed the industry from the suffocating red tape imposed by the Food Standards Agency, and the coalition asked their corporate chums nicely to reduce, at their own convenience and in their own time, the plebs' intake of salt. As a result, the coalition may be able to chalk up to its enviable record nearly ten thousand extra cases of heart disease and stroke and a possible fifteen hundred cases of stomach cancer. But of course that is only the opinion of a few researchers from Imperial College London; the Bullingdon Club and its little yellow fags would undoubtedly disagree and they, of course, are the ones who really ought to know.