Only Human

While the human rights of prisoners and other plebs are viewed by Her Majesty's Government as a ludicrous bureaucratic obstacle to our buccaneering Britishness, the Conservative Party is always happy to confer them on people who deserve the privilege. While claiming expenses as the Bullingdon Club's minister for Northern Ireland, Theresa Villiers approved a £10,000 apology from the taxpayer for a civil servant who registered offence and distress at having to work in an office prominently decorated with portraits of some palace-dwelling benefits scroungers. A sometime Ulster Unionist now resident in our Mother of Parliament's less elected house has become exercised by the incident, and has urged the Northern Ireland office to restore the portraits. The noble lord contrasted Villiers' urge to please with the delays faced by victims of institutional abuse in Northern Ireland; fortunately for the stability of the realm, the chamber of his dutiful colleagues was nearly empty at the time. The complaining civil servant has been promoted to a senior position at the Parades Commission, which despite the colour-trooping connotations of its name is actually concerned with regulating demonstrations by Orangemen and the like, and ensuring that they don't usurp Downing Street's prerogative in vitiating the Good Friday agreements.