Liberty Smell

It would no doubt be an exaggeration to say that the Conservatives have transformed the whole country into a rotten borough; but the whiff of long-passed use-by dates is growing undeniably more pungent. British democracy is about to attain yet more fragrant depths of Britishness in the selection by a couple of hundred thousand rich white racists of the country's next glorious leader. As one would expect of a party which exists to reward the deserving, the Conservatives have sent out multiple ballot papers to some members, many of whom may not yet be altogether dead enough to cancel out the error. Fortunately, the extra votes will go mainly to those who joined from multiple addresses and those who have changed their names, thereby favouring the absent-minded and the possibly criminal, as is only proper. Nevertheless, members have been informed that they should only vote once, which will doubtless be just as effective as those moral warnings on the weapons we sell to friendly dictators, to the effect that they should only be used for democratic purposes.