Improving at Last

Thanks to years of attention from Graybeing, Gove and New Labour's interchangeable thugs, Britain's prisons seem at last to be attaining the all-important aspect of punishment so necessary for the dilution of their notoriously lenient and luxurious laxity. With suicides averaging one every four days, and a twenty-five per cent increase in incidences of self-harm, the entrepreneurial efficiency of the nation's malefactor warehousing sector appears close to rivalling that of the wog control services. Despite this progress towards British fair play, and despite verbal money by the oodle from the Ministry for Profitable Incarceration, the chief inspector of prisons has called the situation a "scandal," for all the world as though he were a UN rapporteur trying to puncture Global Britain's ever-swelling aspirations. It is true that a few unimportant corners may be incurring minor abrasions when it comes to ensuring that released prisoners are subject to proper risk assessments; but the number of such cases barely falls into the thousands, and we all know that Tumbledown Tessie's régime at the Home Office has put the police in tip-top shape.