Fresh Field

Never let it be said that the modern Conservative Party carries a grudge, whether against liars, racists, filly-fumblers or just plain thugs. Since Mark Field's mugging of a Greenpeace activist took place under the previous administration, the Government has decided there is no point spaffing time and expertise up the wall deciding on the degree of his innocence. The activist in question has admitted to being armed with peer-reviewed science, which might well have caused serious mental and emotional damage to a roomful of Conservatives. Accordingly, rather than facing acquittal in the court of nods and winks, Field has been relegated to the back benches until the Imperial Haystack has need of a minister with sufficient physical courage to attack a lady in evening dress.