The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Helpless Before the Might of the Consumer

The natural and innate Britishness of the human species has been gloriously documented in BP's annual global energy report, which notes that people are responding to the effects of climate change by helping to increase the effects of climate change. As the corporation's chief economist profundified, "On hot days people turn to their air conditioning and fans, on cold days they turn to their heaters," which is clearly no-one's choice but their own. Not to be outprofounded, BP's chief executive profundified that the present backwards race to mitigate the climate emergency is "not a race to renewables, but a race to reduce carbon emissions across many fronts." Although the report notes that emissions might just possibly have been higher without the growth of renewables, BP and its fellow non-ideologues are wary of drawing any connections between reducing carbon emissions and energy sources that might reduce carbon emissions. Instead, BP recommends that those concerned about the use of fossil fuel should switch to different fossil fuels until the beastly renewables can be put in their place: a process well advanced in the Recrudescent Imperium, where the extent of the Government's commitment to a sustainable economy has long been apparent in its coddling of shale-frackers and kicking of the solar industry. Meanwhile, BP remains so committed to reducing carbon emissions across many fronts that its minions are mounting a legal attack on Greenpeace protesters occupying an oil rig, while the dynamic wealth creators of the private sector squeal for government subsidies as the price for not bringing down civilisation by mid-century.

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