What They Can Do With Technology Nowadays

Given the radical improvements in the National Health Service which have been so gloriously achieved by the Conservatives and their little orange enablers, it is only natural that the Minister for Profitable Healthcare should be calling for malingerers to be monitored with technology. As with the Irish border, technology means that Conservative ministers need not worry about such trivia as the welfare of the realm's less significant inhabitants; and now that a Blairite think-tank has put out a worry-piece about poor and disabled people lacking digital and internet skills, the Minister has discovered that technology is a wonderful thing. It was technology, after all, that enabled those fine upstanding people at G4S to make a healthy profit monitoring the activities of dead criminals; and certainly no-one can deny that the greater use of technology in health is a more than adequate substitute for proper budgeting, reasonable working hours and immigrant medical staff. Still, even technology is not always perfect, as with the Government's slowly developing mastery of the concepts of carbon-copy and copy-and-paste; so the Minister has also proclaimed that there should be more "social prescribing", where the doctors whose workload his government has increased connect patients to the community services his government has spent the last decade cutting to pieces. If problems arise, there's always technology.