Simple Solutions

Given the sublime simplicity involved in freeing our glorious Union from the Euro-wog yoke, it should come as no surprise that Her Majesty's Government has splurged the cash value of several qualified teachers, their foreign-born NHS spouses and a substantial slice of fireproof wall-cladding on paying private companies to tell ministers what they wish to hear. Thanks to the Osbornomic reforms of the last Liberal Democrat-influenced administration, the civil service consists almost entirely of trainees, traitors and redundancies, and planning and infrastructure have been four-letter words for even longer; so it was only natural that the Conservatives should turn to their corporate chumlies to ensure that the plebs don't die off in large enough numbers to inconvenience anyone. Nevertheless, the National Audit Office has rather tactlessly pointed out that, as usual, the superior efficiency of the slimmed-down Government departments does not extend to providing the taxpayer with timely and transparent accounts of precisely how the ripoff was perpetrated.