Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Has-Been

Say what you like about posturing Thatcherite leftovers, but they are rarely behind the times; or anyhow not quite so far behind as their posturing neo-feudal successors. Lord Heseltine, whose purging from the Conservative Party was apparently a rather less apocalyptic blow to British democracy than the expulsion of his Liberal Democrat brother-in-arms Alastair Campbell, has warned the Conservatives not to follow the poisonous politics of the Farage Falange; and he has delivered his warning only slightly less than a decade after Pigsticker Dave appointed Tin-Pot Tessie to the Home Office. In fact, Heseltine himself was something of a precursor both to the strutting Caudillo and to his blond-bombshell wannabe, the Imperial Haystack Boris Johnson. While serving the sainted Thatcher alongside such famous paragons of one-nation paternalism as Peter Lilley, Nicholas Ridley and Norman Tebbit, Heseltine cultivated a flamboyant image: at a time when certain elements of the BBC still had some regard for their dignity, he used to flounce out of studios live on air whenever his fellow interviewees were not right-wing enough.

Almost as inspiringly, New Labour's very own John Major apparently has plans to accuse the Farage Falange of "attempting to hijack British patriotism and representing a toxic, divisive, intolerant 'them-versus-us' nationalism more in tune with Le Pen and Putin than the values of the British people." It would certainly never do if the acolytes mature debate and British jobs for British workers were to be led astray by a them-versus-us nationalism redolent of greasy foreigners. In the event of a second vote on EU membership, the contribution from elder statesmen of this calibre should be almost as effective as the presence of Nick Clegg, the Reverend Blair and the soon-to-be-late Head Boy last time around.