The Curmudgeon


Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Another Punishment Beating

So effective and thoroughgoing have been the compliant Sajid Javid's improvements at the Ministry for Wog Control, and so sincere and unrelenting the dead-eyed warden's concern for helping the victims of modern slavery, that the beastly Euro-wogs have been allowed to swindle some of Britain's most deportable people out of £600,000, with almost another three million at risk. The Government had intended to use the money for breakfast clubs among the less affluent learning emporia, but changed its mind in favour of a show of disapproval for modern slavery, presumably because someone told Tumbledown Tessie that foreigners are to blame. However, this saintly initiative has been martyred by the beastly Euro-wogs with their fiendishly cunning strategy of expecting Her Majesty's Government to do its paperwork properly and submit the forms on time. As a result, Britain is the only EU member state which has failed to use the programme to aid its citizens, while mighty Slovenia and those robotically efficient Italians go sniggering all the way to the bank. A spokesbeing from the Ministry for Wog Control was expectably forthright in blaming the beastly Euro-wogs for their temerity in enforcing rules to which Her Majesty's Government is a signatory, but it remains as yet unclear whether the balance of the money is to be shaved off the "divorce payment" or simply extracted from what remains of the weekly bonanza after the NHS has been set up for life.


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