The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, April 04, 2019

The Least They Could Do

Doubtless still embittered by the loss of their luxurious, pampered lives on Legal Aid, vengeful enemies of the people have taken it upon themselves to question the Government's generosity in compensating victims of the Windrush persecutions; or anyway as many victims as the Ministry for Wog Control can bestir itself to bother locating. The compliant Sajid Javid and his minions have not introduced a cap on payments, except in the sense that certain payments will be limited in order to protect the taxpayer against scroungers and the compliant Sajid Javid against the Conservative Party membership. Hence, those who were wrongly deported will receive £10,000 provided they can prove that the impact on their lives was sufficiently profound to stir the sympathies of a Home Office philanthropist; but those who were merely pestered and intimidated into departing "voluntarily" will be punished for their lack of British pluck and fortitude by having the payment cut by ninety per cent. Those who lost their jobs but cannot account for every minute they spent emulating the entrepreneurial gumption of the white man will have to content themselves with the equivalent of a year's earnings on minimum wage. Elsewhere, the price of a legal battle with the Home Office is decreed to be no more than five hundred pounds, which is also the value set on a missed university education; so we can all be reassured that the Ministry for Wog Control has lost none of the characteristic Conservative optimism, no less convenient than charming, about the cash-flow implications of living under their régime.

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