Legitimate and Understandable Concerns

As we are all aware, because the Conservative Party has told us at such convincing volume, there is no place in the Conservative Party for discrimination. All cripple-kicking, poor-bashing, Windrush-deporting, Europe-hating, wog-bombing Muslim-baiting slum landlords, press barons and tax-dodgers are equal in dignity and rights no matter what their racial or gender disadvantages, always provided of course that they are not queue-jumping citizens of nowhere; and the Conservative Party is shocked, simply shocked, to find that there are still a few dank orifices of the membership where less civilised attitudes prevail. Some self-proclaimed party members have been less than flattering on social media concerning the compliant Sajid Javid, although nobody so far seems to have called him an Asian paedophile. The comments have prompted a certain nostalgia for the inclusive simpering of the Daveybloke régime, during which the party was even prepared to tolerate a female Muslim chair provided she had no more brains than Sayeeda Warsi and a white male co-chair to keep an eye on her. Those of a less sentimental cast of mind will recall that the late Head Boy felt obliged to balance such cosmetic shifts into the darkie end of the spectrum by shacking up with the far-right rabble of climate-change deniers and Holocaust revisionists known as the European Conservatives and Reformists, in order to keep the party sufficiently inclusive for those contemplating desertion to the Farage Falange. Fortunately, the Conservative Party has told us once again, at the usual convincing volume, that discrimination of any kind is wrong; so doubtless the promptitude of the racists' expulsion will be surpassed, as usual, only by the rapidity of their reinstatement.