Within Our Means

Although the magic money tree can always be shaken to bribe a few Orangemen, Her Majesty's Government has been exercising commendable thrift with women of other colours. Deeply concerned at the possibility of wasting British taxpayers' money on helping British citizens, the Ministry for Wogs, Frogs and Huns has been charging victims of forced marriage overseas for the cost of their repatriation. The Ministry condescended to stop billing children after the Guardian reported that Foreign Office loan sharks had confiscated the passport of a seventeen-year-old victim and were trying to extort £814 from her to get it back; but charges still apply to those aged eighteen or over. Naturally, having stressed the need for compassionate and humane behaviour in every situation and asked the appropriate officials for some advice that is not improper, the Foreign Secretary himself is the very picture of deniability.