Still More Majestic Shalt Thou Compromise

Among the most valuable of British values is, as we know, the propensity to compromise, as demonstrated by our long and unusually gentle history of deported Jews, scorched Catholics and starving shirkers. What, if not our mannerly instinct for the other chap's point of view, enabled us once to conquer half the world by military force, and brings us now to the very precipice of a glittering global empire spanning Westminster, the Falkland Islands and the more cosmic reaches of the Farage Falange? In accordance with these civilising national instincts, some rich tax dodgers have been panting to praise a rich tax-dodger for spraying a few platitudes over the Women's Institute. The chancellor had a bit of an ooze on the BBC, and the ever-emollient Amber Rudd complimented the monarch on her wise words. Doubtless the former Home Secretary was thinking of the compromises she herself has had to make between deporting every wog in the country and deporting only those wogs who have the bad manners to be British citizens. The Prime Minister, who regards her own policies as the will of the people and anyone who dissents as a citizen of nowhere, was apparently too choked with emotion to grind out a personal response, but a spokesbeing was extruded to imply that others should always show great respect for the Prime Minister's point of view. Meanwhile, it is to be hoped that no members of the master race are tempted by the compromising precedent of 1649, when an untrustworthy and incompetent leader discovered to his cost that taking back control from Parliament can be a real pain in the neck.