Help Wanted for Reasonable Scenario

About ten thousand people have been hired and a thousand million pounds spent in a concerted push by Her Majesty's Government to frighten MPs into voting for Tumbledown Tessie's ludicrous deal, according to the First Flunkey at the Cabinet Office. After a mere two years of squealing from the private sector, the Government has achieved some sort of vague awareness that stability might be a bit of a thing; so the Department for Flooding and Fracking has set up a call centre just in case of emergencies, and is advertising for civil servants to work shifts assuring people that nothing has changed and our precious Union is safe and it's just going to be the easiest thing in the world ever from now on, or anyway as soon as the last saboteur has been extirpated and the last citizen of nowhere run into the Irish Sea. Since the ministry in question is nominally run by the jabbering homunculus Michael Gove, staff will be expected to "see through the fog" which will inevitably be created by mere experts trying to do down Britain's success, and to focus on the more rah-rah aspects such as the miraculously-expanded Marmite trade with Tasmania. There are also vacancies for liaison staff who will be required to "react quickly to obtain the facts and delegate the immediate and next-day agenda" by correctly interpreting the shrieks, roars and grunts which will inevitably start to emanate from the Government's bunker at the Civil Contingencies Secretariat. Fifty new staff are being recruited for the Secretariat, on the sensible grounds that the Cabinet Office now considers Tumbledown Tessie's administration to be much the same category of event as a terrorist attack, a flood or an epidemic.