Impartial Benevolence

Benign Britain basks in balmy BBC blush

Temperatures across Britain turned from bleak to balmy today as the annual cosy cloud of middle-class smugness rose to cover the country in a warm fog of self-conscious virtue.

Mere days since the BBC showed its impartiality by reporting the diatribes of some Australian along with the Government's rebuttal before moving on to more immediate matters, the organisation's annual Children in Need appeal raised a record sum for Britain's foundering self-esteem.

Children in Need epitomises the private charity which it is believed will replace the Stalinist state in looking after 21st-century Britain's deserving poor.

The BBC's news programmes are noted for impartially facilitating democratic debate between the Conservative government and the Farage Falange, which constitutes the officially acceptable opposition.

In the interests of impartiality, no comment was made on claims of an alleged link between child poverty and depriving people of money in order to fund vital tax cuts, even when the day was further warmed by the appointment of Amber Rudd, former minister for deportations, to the ministry for starvation and induced suicide.