Gove Clears the Air

Since the furtherance of his leadership ambitions can safely be left to Tumbledown Tessie for a while, the jabbering homunculus which is Britain's substitute for an environment minister has condescended to emit a bit of a burble about the environment. Although the jabbering homunculus fully appreciates the likely consequences of climate change, he has no intention of imposing regulations on future directorship sources, and his department has therefore resigned itself, on behalf of all Britain's children and grandchildren, to a catastrophic rise of four degrees. However, this is not to say that the jabbering homunculus plans simply to sit back and enjoy the sunshine. Some change from the ministry's lunch money will be thrown at the problem of flooding; although Britons of lesser consequence must realise that, when it isn't being invoked to force the uppity Celts into line, the sacred bond of national unity counts for a bit less than might be expected. The jabbering homunculus warned that not every coastline can be protected nor every hovel saved; so there are likely to be a few population transfers among the less expendable breed of peasant. There will also be one or two other little tweaks, including the "encouragement" of farmers, along with "support" in reducing emissions from their land and activities. It remains as yet unclear precisely what form this agricultural rah-rah will take, but given their wholly unattested propensity for scaring cows into flatulent paroxysms of methane-rich Gove-speak, a further pogrom against badgers cannot be ruled out.