Prime Cuts

Market forces have triumphed once more in the efficientised National Health Service, where another private company has made a few million in profit while failing to do its job. Various unwanted bits and pieces of NHS patients who can't yet afford to take the hint and go private have been kept in fridges by the amusingly-named Healthcare Environment Services Limited, because the company's services are too limited to dispose of them properly. Naturally, Healthcare Environment Services Limited has blamed the whole thing on the Government, which is too busy burning bridges with foreigners to think about incinerating stray portions of British prole; so the Minister for Health and Social Care Monetisation, Matt Hancock, has chaired a Cobra meeting, which is generally the first option for panicked Whitehall flunkeys with some malodorous buck to pass. Hancock has now borrowed some affordable accommodation for the anatomical inconveniences, and will soon be storing them up like the sort of bargain-basement Ed Gein his party seems to enjoy putting into high office these days. Matt Hancock's entrepreneurial gumption will no doubt receive its due reward, provided a lid can be kept on the matter until Britain escapes those beastly Euro-wog food hygiene regulations.