It Just Wouldn't Feel the Same

Despite the liberating effect of WTO rules, as gushed over by Jacob Rees-Mogg and endorsed by Dominic Raab, according to the empty suit at the Treasury Her Majesty's Government is neither aiming nor expecting to avail itself of this freedomising opportunity. After a leaked document revealed that the Treasury puts Tumbledown Tessie's policy in the same category as floods and epidemics, the empty suit droned that certain governmental reprioritisations would inevitably be contingent upon the availing circumstances. Still more fascinatingly, the empty suit took particular care to point out that in the event of availing contingencies maintenance of confidence would need to be perpetuated because providers of financial services don't like to feel uncertain about things and might throw a hissy-fit should they suspect they were being treated like nurses, teachers or other immigrants. Translated into Standard English, the upshot is that in the event of the Rees-Mogg dream coming true the Conservatives will impose cuts on everything except bankers, tax dodgers, slum landlords and wog-stompers. The difference is that under the freedom of WTO rules they will be forced to do it, instead of continuing to do it by choice.