As Simple as Flogging Pepsi Online

Now that the impact assessments for our independence from the ghastly Euro-wogs have condescended to come into existence, a mere year or two after the blithering prima donna David Davis claimed to have them, it has finally occurred to Her Majesty's Government that cutting ourselves off from our biggest trading partner might result in some minor disruption, such as a few million proles going without for a bit. Presumably Dominic Raab, who claimed that British workers are among the worst idlers in the world, believes a bit of starvation will weed out the weaklings and motivate the hard-working families; but the party conference is coming up and even Tumbledown Tessie's government occasionally feels the urge to make some sort of show at governing. Hence the appointment of one David Rutley, a former virtual supermarket manager and sugar salesman, as Minister for Rationing and Hoarding. With its usual talent for reassurance, the Government immediately proclaimed that Rutley was "merely taking on responsibilities already held by other ministers," although it remains as yet unclear whether this translates as the other ministers being incompetent, Rutley being supernumerary or, in accordance with the present administration's glorious record and limitless aspirations, both.