Keep Our Paper White

Although the Farage Falange's fellow-travellers in the Home Office are not yet required to take patriotic measures against bookshops, it appears that the glories of English literature are nevertheless safe in their hands. A dozen foreign authors, who were plotting to dilute Britain's literary heritage with their pidgin scrawls and terrorist screeds, have been kept from our shores through the zeal and efficiency of the Ministry for Wog Control. Tellingly, the director of the Edinburgh international book festival used the adjective Kafkaesque to describe the situation, invoking the name of a foreign author whose country was on the losing side in the Great War and who shared his dubious ethnic credentials with the Britain-hating Ralph Miliband. Clearly, the Ministry's crusade has a long way to go before our literary heritage can be truly cleansed, and Britons can return without fear to their long-forbidden re-readings of the witch-hunting King James's Bible and the toadying Jew-baiter Shakespeare's great works of history.