Dimmest Hour

Yet another punishment beating from the Brusso-Strasbourgian axis has been spotted creeping around the Maginot Line towards the Recrudescent Imperium of Westminster, Gibraltar and the Falkland Islands. The victim this time is the great British halogen bulb, which has lighted our homes for more than sixty years, or nearly as long as Queen Victoria reigned, and which the ghastly Euro-wogs have now banned in favour of light-emitting diodes, which use less energy and will therefore do irreparable harm to the great British trades of sustainable uranium and shale-gas fracking. Naturally, the nation's doughy defenders in the Farage Falange have been eructating the customary Churchillian borborygmus of moral outrage: "Customers should have the freedom of choice in bulbs and it shouldn’t be imposed by the EU," mooed the Falange's spokesbeing for energy, Jonathan Bullock, who apparently favours letting the Heathen Chinee impose bulbs instead, since the ghastly Euro-wogs have, with fiendish foreign cunning, induced their fellow foreigners to ban traditional bulbs as well. Still, if the Falange's fantasy Brexit should actually materialise, with the country keeping calm and carrying on and Britain's stout yeomanry lighting their homes by burning granny-fat in the old bat's Tupperware bowls, that would almost certainly teach our oppressors a thing or two about something or other.