The Curmudgeon


Thursday, May 24, 2018

Gavin's Ceptic Discharge

Something called Gavin has been flapping its adolescent genitalia at a roomful of senior navy figures, some of whom may possibly have seen worse. The navy's defensive missile system, which was named the Sea Wolf by a native speaker of Standard English, is to be replaced with Gavin's new toy, which has been named the Sea Ceptor by a native speaker of Whitehall rah-and-blah. The new system is designed to deter attack by Russia and other potential rivals, such as Russia. Gavin noted that Russia has increased its submarine activity in the Atlantic and has approached Britannic waters thirty-three rimes in the past year, compared with only a single time in 2010. This shows the increasingly aggressive assertiveness of Russia, and has nothing whatever to do with the increasingly whiny weakness and isolation of the newly-independent Recrudescent Imperium. Gavin also plans to send some frigates to the Gulf next year, because in a time of unprecedented uncertainty (far more uncertain than the Cold War, the World Wars, the Cuban crisis or the last time Gavin tidied his bedroom, for instance) there are few things more stabilising than a frigate or two, provided they happen not to be from Russia, or partially manufactured in Russia, or designed in Russia, or traced to Russia by a reliable source such as Boris Johnson. In a previous adventure, Gavin has expressed the wish that Russia would go away and shut up, but as of the present instalment it remains unclear whether Russia has properly absorbed the boy hero's ticking-off.


  • At 11:54 pm , Blogger Emma said...

    1. I would like to stipulate that I read the whole article.
    2. Also that American English is, I admit, a pigdin dialect of the tongue spoken in the Mother Country, but
    3. Is "Sea Ceptor" short for something?
    4. "Sea Inceptor"
    5. "Sea Sceptre"
    7. Remember that time Russia tried to join NATO, but were rebuffed because they're sneaky Orientals?
    8. That was funny, wasn't it.

  • At 11:55 pm , Blogger Emma said...

    Just imagine you see a "6," and that I fulfilled the kindergarten counting requirements to move on to first grade.
    (I did not, in fact, fulfill the kindergarten counting requirements to move on to first grade.)

  • At 3:18 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    Ceptor is apparently short for receptor, which is a type of cellular protein that binds with other substances so that the cell can absorb them; or a biological structure that responds to stimuli. Either definition might well appeal to Gavin, but i'm afraid it's more likely that the word interceptor has been summarily subjected to syllabic efficiency savings.

  • At 3:52 am , Blogger Emma said...

    Well, maybe Gavin hasn't got any front teeth. Did you think of that? Probably you shouldn't be laughing at him.
    I never thought I'd live to see the day when anti-aircraft missile defense systems were named after neurotransmitters.
    Or the act of neurotransmission, I guess?
    It's very odd.
    American, almost.

    (Although we tend to give our little war toys names like "Uncle Louie" or "DSV991," to be fair.)


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