Careless Talk

Those notorious fifth-columnists at the Office for National Statistics have provided yet further proof of the need for immediate privatisation and staff purging. With the Recrudescent Imperium about to break free from the shackles of the Brusso-Strasbourgian axis of non-prosperity, the ONS maintains that the worst collapse in economic growth since the Osbornomic miracle cannot be blamed on either the weather or the wogs. Even the Bank of England is flirting with citizen-of-nowhere pessimism by awaiting, of all things, more evidence before attempting any repeat of the banking sector's hit performance of ten years ago. So thoroughly has Britain's robust and rampant economy been talked down that there is even some risk of thrift among the households of our entrepreneurial yeomanry. Should the plebs decide to save their money like tax-dodgers, rather than throw it around like spendthrifts, then the prospects would be bleak indeed.