Green Crap? Whistle For It

During his stint as mayoral mural micturator for taxpayers' money, the then London Haystack was famously casual about the effects of pollution, maintaining consistently illegal standards of air quality and incurring various fines at the talons of the Brusso-Strasbourgian banana-straightening conspiracy. Promotion to Imperial Haystack has done nothing to compromise his statesmanlike vision: in the two years of his incumbency the Ministry for Wogs, Frogs and Huns has lost nearly a quarter of the full-time staff dedicated to dealing with climate change. Clearly the Imperial Haystack intends Britain to be a world leader in the field, if only in the sense that Liam Fox is a world leader in the field of international trade. Indeed, the Imperial Haystack has made the degree of his concern over climate change readily apparent in his official speeches, where he has mentioned the subject nearly as many times as it was mentioned by Churchill, Sax Rohmer and the Emperor Nero put together.