Class Bullies Lack Application

The long and famously happy relationship between Her Majesty's Government and the technology of the electrical computator has attained new depths of squealing, creaking, clunking ecstasy. A mobile phone app whereby resident Euro-wogs can discover whether the Recrudescent Imperium is prepared to tolerate their presence a moment longer will not work on the brand of mobile phone which is used by more than half of the adult population. As with the fact that the dead-eyed warden's hostile environment would harm British citizens, the incompatibility was known in advance; and as with the hostile environment, the Government didn't care and anyway the entire regrettable business is, as usual, somebody else's fault. The race-baiting Clegg-pledger at the Ministry has claimed that the app will be as easy to use as an online shopping account, and also that it has been "extensively tested;" doubtless her next attack of veracity will confirm that the whole idea was cooked up by Momentum and the Labour Party in 1998. In the wake of the Windrush persecutions, the Euro-wogs have had the temerity to threaten close scrutiny of developments, though fortunately such fiendish encroachments on our democracy are likely to be thwarted by the Government's use of secondary legislation to ensure that everything can be changed on ministerial whim.