Bloody, Smelly Faeces

Lord Lansley of Turkey-Twizzler, National Health Service vandal emeritus, has discovered the hard way that cancer can afflict real people as well as plebs, shirkers and scroungers; and has very altruistically decided that now might be a good time to bring an end to austerity measures with regard to the screening of people in Lord Lansley's age group for the kind of cancer now afflicting Lord Lansley. Along with the late Head Boy, his compassionate lordship did announce a commitment to a screening process early in the coalition; but the purely secondary business of making good on the promise was hampered by the Government's famous ability with IT systems and the perennial fact that the Conservative Party does not believe that public health should be anything other than a playground for private profit. Lord Lansley's conversion to a more interventionist position is certainly encouraging, and I am sure we all wish him the speediest of recoveries, with a healthily spare food-bank diet and none of the little inconveniences which he and his chums saw fit to inflict upon less deserving sufferers.