Nationalist Health Service

Almost sixty thousand people could be caught up in the Government's latest purge of potential health tourists: an environmental hostility which requires hospitals to perform background checks on patients in order to ensure that their blood is pure enough to bother keeping in circulation. Migrants who have cunningly lived and paid taxes here for decades, having somehow acquired the impression that Britain is global and cosmopolitan, are being charged for NHS treatments, imprisoned and threatened with deportation. Asked about the issue in Parliament last week, the dead-eyed warden has responded with all the warm-hearted sympathy one would expect. Though clinicians are notoriously hopeless at organising their shifts, a task best left to the likes of Jeremy Hunt, the semi-stable agglomeration of cold tea and sawdust has allowed that when it comes to the ever-expanding business of wog control, medical personnel do have their uses.