More Malcontents

Like a filthy foreign jackboot laced with red tape, yet another subversive nest of traitors and enemies of the people has come goose-stepping into the sunny, cake-strewn uplands of Brexit. This time the infiltrators have taken over the Office for Budget Responsibility, drowning the soulful saccharine of sovereignty in a cold, cruel gruel of mere economic calculations. Rather than rejoicing in the astute diplomacy of David Davis and the foxy free trade of the vole-brained former Minister for Werritty, the OBR predicts that we will gain precisely nothing from leaving the EU. Thanks to a degree of Brusso-Strasbourgian bullying which even the limericks of Boris Johnson have been unable to mitigate in full, the process of settling our financial obligations while compensating for lost EU funding will alone cost the country as much as staying in; and, thanks to our global standing and our kicking out all those wogs, the prospect of a handy economic boom to help matters along appears, to say the least, a bit elusive. Fortunately, as with so many other inconvenient sectors of the populace, the whole problem can be rapidly and efficiently solved by privatising the Office for Budget Responsibility and outsourcing its staff to Poundland.